You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
