wat bout pragnant strippers??
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
