i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish you could order shots online.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I could fuck to npr.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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