I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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