1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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