'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
