apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize