Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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