DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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