I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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