i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
