I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
