i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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