the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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