You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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