shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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