party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
