Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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