he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
