Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
