just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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