And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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