I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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