i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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