none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
