Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
