He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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