my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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