You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
