Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
