I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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