please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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