If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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