My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
