i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
