We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
