he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
