How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
