I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
