I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
