I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
