can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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