I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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