Will you blow on my dice?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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