he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
