I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
