3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
