I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
