He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
