My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
