Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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