so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You left your phone here
Wait...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
