Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
