Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
