You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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