It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
