Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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