Tell her she can't have a vagina
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
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SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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