smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My cat gives me a boner
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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