Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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