just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
