Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
