I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
