Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
