I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
