My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Bring me that man meat
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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