she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
