Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
