Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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