He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
