We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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