I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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