We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
