Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Randomize
