so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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